It's My Turn To Watch Over You
by TrekkieL
Summary: Sam walks in on Gabriel with a gun to his head, about to pull the trigger. Sam attempts to convince Gabriel to stay, while Gabriel talks about why he must go. Sam soon finds out Gabriel's been with him for longer than he thought. Fluff, mush and snuggling ensue. Established Sabriel. Rated T for suicide attempt.


"Are you sure you don't want to come hunting?" Sam asked, kissing the top of Gabriel's head. "It'll be fun. Bunch of werewolves. Dark forest. Me and you while Cas and Dean snog elsewhere." Sam grinned, rocking him and Gabriel slightly. Gabriel smiled.

"Hmm. Tempting... But I have business to do here." Gabriel frowned slightly. "I love you."

"I love you too." Sam brought Gabriel closer for a kiss, which quickly turned less and less innocent. Suddenly, the impala beeped.

"That's Dean getting impatient. I got to go. I love you." Sam whispered, kissing Gabriel's cheek.

"I love you too." Gabriel smiled, letting Sam go. Sam smiled and waved before walking out the door.

Gabriel sighed. He had wanted to go with Sam... But he was right. He had some business to do.

Gabriel walked over to Sam's drawers by his bed, opening the drawer and pulling out Sam's gun. He sighed, emptying the gun of the bullets and placing his own in. He only had one, made of the metal of his archangels blade. He'd made it a while ago, when he'd decided to go through with it.

He walked over to the bed and sat down, placing the barrel of Sam's gun to his heart, then under his chin, then to his temple. He struggled to find a comfortable position, but it wasn't really comfortable when you were going to die, was it?

Gabriel shivered, suddenly feeling cold as he clicked the safety off. Gabriel's thoughts all flowing at the same time. How he'd failed to be there for the Winchesters when they'd needed him. How he'd faked his death many times and hidden. How he'd messed up so many times. His siblings all at war with each other. He'd never returned to heaven to help them. He'd abandoned his family. His friends. He'd hurt Sam. More than once. And Dean. But mostly Sam.

Gabriel let the tears fall as he thought about Sam. He'd done all that to him, and he'd just forgiven the archangel and loved him back. He didn't deserve Sam's forgiveness, or his love. He deserved to die. Gabriel closed his eyes as his finger hovered over the trigger.

"Gabe, no!" Sam's voice suddenly cried out. Gabriel opened his eyes to see Sam grab the gun from his hand, but Gabriel kept a firm grip on it.

"No! Give it back!" Gabriel cried, trying to pull the gun from Sam's hand. Sam brought an arm around Gabriel's shoulders and grabbed the the gun with both hands, while Gabriel stood up and tried to pull it back.

"Gabriel, let go!" Sam growled, trying to pull it from Gabriel's hands. Gabriel tried to pull it back again, his finger accidentally slipping on the trigger and firing the bullet. Both Sam and Gabriel jumped at the bang.

"Sam?" Gabriel asked shakily, refusing to look behind him to check Sam over.

"I'm not hurt. It didn't hit me. Are you okay?" Sam asked.

"I wasn't hit." Gabriel muttered. "Damn you, Sam!" Gabriel shouted, throwing the gun away into Sam's hands. Sam tossed the gun across the room.

"Why, Gabe?" Sam asked. "Why would you try and do something like that?"

"I want to!" Gabriel turned around to face Sam. "I want to die. I deserve to."

"No. No, you don't." Sam whispered, taking Gabriel into his arms and holding him tight. "Do you know what I would have done if I'd come home and found you dead with my gun in your hand?" Sam asked. "Because I don't know what I would have done." Sam sighed. He felt Gabriel tremble in his arms.

"I just can't..." Gabriel sniffed.

"You can't what?" Sam asked gently, rocking them slightly.

"Can't live with the things I've done. The things I am." Gabriel finally broke, sobbing into Sam's chest. Sam held him close, pulling him to over to the bed, laying him down and lying next to him. Sam lay with Gabriel in his arms, sobbing into his chest.

"Why are you here?" Gabriel asked at last.

"I decided I'd rather spend the day with you. This wasn't what I had in mind." Sam admitted.

"'M sorry." Gabriel whimpered.

"Shh. It's okay. You're safe, with me." Sam whispered, kissing Gabriel's cheek. "You don't deserve to die. You've done nothing wrong."

"That's bullshit, Sammy, and you know it." Gabriel retorted.

"No, it's not. What made you think you needed to die?" Sam asked. Gabriel looked at Sam and shrugged.

"I've hurt you, Sam. And Dean. I've hurt everyone I interact with." Gabriel muttered. "I tried to kill my brother, my family are smiting each other, Dean still looks at me like I'm scum, I can't do anything right. I made you believe I was dead, what is it now? 3 times? And all these voices in my head."

"What voices?" Sam asked, gently running a hand through Gabriel's hair.

"The ones that tell me I'm not good enough and that I can't do anything right." Gabriel replied.

"I get them." Sam replied simply. "Dean does too. Cas came to us once and told us that he could hear voices 'telling him off'. It's pretty common." Sam explained. "It's a human thing."

"Well, they annoy me." Gabriel growled. Sam smiled.

"You are beautiful, amazing, smart, funny, incredible hot and loads of fun to be with. Whatever these voices say, it's not true. They're only lying to you." Sam tried to help. "Dean explained to Cas that when people want something, we lie. Well, they want to hurt you. They're winning, aren't they?" Sam asked. Gabriel nodded. "If you don't let them lie to you, don't let them win, then it won't hurt." Sam added. Gabriel sniffed.

"So, I should ignore them?" Gabriel asked.

"Completely ignore them." Sam nodded. "And listen to my voice instead." Sam smiled. Gabriel smiled back. "God, don't ever try doing that again." Sam whispered, his voice breaking as he pulling Gabriel closer to him. Gabriel clutched Sam's shirt.

"I'm sorry..."

"Why didn't you tell me you felt like this?" Sam asked, rubbing Gabriel's back.

"I'd planned to be gone by now. The note was in your drawer." Gabriel sniffed. Sam pulled Gabriel away to face him.

"You left a note?" Sam asked. Gabriel nodded. Sam shifted, moving so he could reach the draw and pulled the note out.

Dear Sam,

If you're reading this, I'm dead. I'm sorry it had to be like this, but I can't anymore. I just can't.

I've hurt you so many times, you and your brother, and I'm scared I'm gonna do it again.

My family are tearing themselves apart, which is tearing me apart. I feel it's best to just die and stay dead.

I love you. Always have. I've always watched over you, since the day you were born. You didn't know that, did you? I watched you that time you thought you were batman. Always made me smile. Also when you died and went to hell. I was sent to find your soul, but Dean beat me to it. Dean made the deal before I found you, and I'm sorry.

I love you, kiddo

Gabe

"You watched over me?" Sam asked, folding the note. Gabriel didn't reply. Sam looked down at Gabriel, who had fallen asleep. Sam smiled, kissing the top of Gabriel's head. "I love you. It's my turn to watch over you."


End file.
